zen zone

Patience is a kind of love. - Pavithra Mehta

I hustled to complete my last errand on a mild February day, ducking down an alley that ran the length of a city block east to west. As I rounded the corner, something tangled in the thorny thicket of winter bare rose bushes sparkled in contrast to its dormant surroundings. I stopped to investigate, transitioned into my other world and immediately forgot what I was rushing to do.

Though there were a few on the vine, only one single slipper shaped pod was beginning to burst open revealing silky white threads that were beautifully dazzling under the warm afternoon sun. The best place to take a picture was from the sidewalk in front of someone's home. I am very respectful of people's property when I’m in the zone, so I did what I do when faced with a capturing an image photog dilemma, walking back and forth in the available space until my eyes were satisfied.

But one take was not enough! Not to be deterred when determined, I lifted the camera over my head in a familiar position where it is difficult yet not impossible to see the lens, aimed and snapped.

With love and patience, nothing is impossible.

        -  Daisaku Ikeda

Add to that the word forgiveness and a gentle reminder not to give up when something or someone matters to you says it all to me…

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secrets

The first time I saw a Georgia O'Keefe floral, I studied her brush strokes for hours searching for the eroticism that so many spoke of when discussing her canvases. Robert Mapplethorpe photographs at first left nothing to my imagination, that is until after serious contemplation, I began to uncover sensual qualities in the shadows playing behind a curve. Over time, my eye easily began to recognize the delicious subtleties that make the erotic so intriguing to me, arousing my senses before I ever cast a second glance.

...oh the pleasurable stories that wait in the secrets of life’s gardens when you look past the obvious and...

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the great little escape

While I enjoy the challenge of turning hundreds of tiny clippings into a large more intricate piece, the simplicity of placing very specific miniature images together in less elaborate constructions is just as challenging, often producing a creation that gives me pause for contemplation each time I see it.

Though I made this collage several years ago, I still feel the appeal that made me cut out each small picture and to this day am able to climb into any one of them, find a great story, and escape.

Try it and when you do…

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b. glaurieous!!!

hearts resting on the tip of the tongue

as they spoke in tribute of

her light shining brightly

 a celebratory glow of inspiration 

 spread to catch tears

brimming the edge of saddened eyes

quietly promising 

indeed we would live life differently

because she had been in ours,
showed us how

vowing to b. glaurieous!!!

every day we are given.

barbara gail laurie

dec. 1961 – feb. 2013

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open

on valentine’s day and every day, love your heart.

keep it open to love and be loved as you…

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raw

the rain pushes gloom through my window
 into my heart,

running down uncontrolled like the tears on the cheeks of my swollen face…

everything about this numbness, this shock and disbelief gives me permission to stay in bed for a long while, it's just that difficult to lift body or spirit…

nourishment calls from the kitchen,

a simple bowl of brown rice w/ a little bit of butter, salt, pepper.

comforting I loved this for breakfast as a child

only it was Uncle Ben's converted white rice back then…

grief is the outfit in the back of the closet that without a lending hand puts itself on to be worn for an unspecified period of time…

…and I don’t wear it well. Ill-fitted and uncomfortable, I twist in itching pain as moments of comfort, consolation and concern from others soften the feel momentarily.

The dance of taking care of someone who is grieving is a carefully choreographed one, one in which we attempt to set aside our own issues to selflessly focus on the needs of another for an “unspecified period of time.” We must know ourselves, what we can handle, take an honest assessment of what we can offer before we extend a hand. As I mourn the loss of a friend, another whose intentions I have to believe were good left me with an unexpected conundrum. When we offer to be there for someone, how much of our own needs must we be willing to leave at the coat check? Once we begin, how do we step out of the dance to take care of our own self without disrupting the grieving process for the other? Are we really prepared to dance all night when perhaps all we should take on is one waltz around the room? As we care for someone else, things we are struggling with, our own unmet desires to be taken care of could surface without warning; the dance turns chaotic, the fragility on both sides takes on a feverish pace and nothing but pain is left on the floor. We are human, it happens.

I know that I am a compassionate, caring person who really can put someone else’s needs ahead of my own when that person is in pain. That said, I know my limitations and yes, I struggle with wanting to interject what’s happening to me thinking it may be helpful. Moving forward, I think I will call on a quick prayer, meditation, or chant as I take a breath before I open my mouth opting for unspoken, unselfish compassion to let someone know, I hear your pain, I am here for you.

not knowing what day soon I will have to face a goodbye

 I'm not ready to utter,

I remember February's déjà vu...

I stood here last year

 raw.

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ps…Many of us are in shock and disbelief over the sudden passing of our friend Barbara Laurie, hence the clumsiness of my words today. I know each person has given from their heart what they can offer, I am so very appreciative of all the support I’ve received. On the first day of my grief, I stumbled not literally but in a way that left me feeling invisible and alone as others who knew of my loss, swirled around and away from me during an awkward moment -- there is nothing more appreciated than the person who is really paying attention and with calm assurance steps in to catch you as you fall, stands you back up and helps you to take the next step in the dance. I aspire to be that person.

Barbara liked the color orange...we will miss you.




life

Sometimes it’s hard to figure out just what’s bugging you.

Times when we have so much to do that it feels like we’re swimming underwater, needing to come up for air.

When the thought of being one in a crowd of one too many makes you want to fly….

…or scoot away as quickly as possible.

Moments when the ability to camouflage and just hide away for a while would be a magic trick we wish we could pull off.

Anytime you reach a break point, take a break for heavens sake! Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, imagine something pleasurable and before you know it, you will be full of restorative energy, ready to get back to life…it only takes a minute.

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treasure hunt

I am enamored with really well made hand crafted sterling silver jewelry. I remember seeing pictures of Frida Kahlo, going to the movie about her so many years ago. Besides the gorgeous artwork, colors and overall lushness of everything, my eyes captured every detail of each piece of adornment she wore particularly a pair of earrings. Stored for life in the jewelry box section of my left brain, during my travels to Texas and New Mexico, I know I secretly hunted for something like them each time I was in either state, though the thought was not a conscious one.

When I landed in San Antonio week before last, I had a few hours to return to La Villita Historic Arts Village, a wonderful respite from the rest of the touristy River Walk, that I had only had an hour to run through when I was in town this past fall. I wanted to get to the galleries, meet and talk with artists and visit Angelita, a store I missed last time...

...I was not disappointed. Unique comfortable chic clothing, beautifully hand stitched leather handbags, and oh yes, two cases of jewelry one filled with fabulous locally designed Mexican silver earrings, bracelets, necklaces and rings, some embellished with turquoise and other stones. This was my kind of store and there tucked in a corner a flash of dangle caught my eye…

The possibility of walking out the door with a serious bill was big like things are in Texas there were so many delicious items that aroused the fashionista in me. However, I knew the artistic goddesses had presented me a long buried desired treasure, so I held on to my cash, happily departing with my earrings…ah, okay and a fun linen dress with a ruffle trim.

I’ve often considered taking a class in metal working, I’m that intrigued with manipulating silver, copper, and brass and wonder if I would be able to create masterpieces of wearable art. Stay tuned ‘cause that day might be coming so…

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