(k)not knowing

scribes from my journal while attending mind body medicine training…

I have arrived at a place where there are others who have arrived at place of uncertainty, where the way to go, what to do is not at all clear. I wonder about settling in amongst a room of strangers discovering that a common theme as we tell our backstories is not knowing and then release the thought knowing I am where I need to be.  There is a comfort knowing that not knowing isn’t gender, race or age specific, that it is not at all impressed by titles and/or the number/type of degrees obtained and that it isn’t just a topic of discussion with my friends. Perhaps being here, away from the familiar will set the path…

Somewhere in my sleep state, a line from a song by Paul McCartney drifts into a waking thought…maybe I’m a man, maybe I’m a lonely man whose in the middle of something that he doesn’t really understand...or at least I think that’s how it goes. I know this is connected to this not knowing thing, to the crayon drawings, to feeling as if I’m standing by myself, trying to connect all the dots to make a picture that gives me an answer…

Thank goodness for the masseuse, he too is knot knowing, kneading, stroking my body until it relented under his hands, relaxing me into sublime submission preparing me for the work ahead where I must also let go in order to find the way...

keep your peepers open!®

indigo

…such a rich, deep shade of dark blue violet.

I stepped from the warmth of my doorway out into the crisp early morning cool, the sky indigo dark covered in stars and visible planets with a slice of moon. I loved being enveloped in indigo as I walked to work the kinks out of my sleeping body. Embraced by its strong yet gentle hush, indigo led me to the light.

Funny what a little color can do.

keep your peepers open!®

drops©

behold.

petals plants

stems and stalks

leaves all out stretched

prickly thorns

after a rain shower tiny beads

at dawn the dew

paused at the ready to plop…

and fall

or just rest

still.

sparkling crystal jewels of the garden

energy radiates from each petite drop

a talisman on my breast

at one with what I

behold.

keep your peepers open!®

raw

As I approach a year since I received my diagnosis of osteoarthritis, I have to admit that it has been difficult at times to stick close to the “eating to avoid inflammation” reservation. Honestly, I was so far away at times that I couldn’t even see the gate! Changing behavior takes a minute and while I have wandered off, I have also managed to keep my eye focused in the direction of right rather than wrong when it comes to selecting healthier options. A recent discovery of cold pressed enticing fruit, vegetable, nut and spice concoctions by a company called Blue Print Juice led to developing my own raw thirst quencher (note: found them at Whole Foods, seriously tasty, rather pricey, short shelf life).

Easy Raw Smoothie

- Half a bottle of my particular favorite, Gold Pineapple Apple Mint
- 2 small bananas (slice and put in freezer until really cold not frozen)
- 3 frozen watermelon chunks (I bought so many containers of this fruit that I had to freeze one and those little red cubes have come in handy as a replacement for ice cubes in smoothies and other beverages)

Blend at smoothie speed until thick and creamy. Use more juice if needed.

I don’t know that I will ever stick to consuming only raw foods because fried chicken is just my absolute favorite food ever especially cold for breakfast! That said I have found that I do enjoy eating and drinking a few uncooked meals each week...my joints thank me.

keep your peepers open!®

de∙tached (adjective)

1. not attached to something… I wonder about things that for some reason or other have fallen apart, from grace, are now separate…

2. separate… standing alone when the disconnect happens, unsure about this new found free…

3. free from emotional involvement…when dependencies are broken and no longer is the status quo -- attached.

survive or perish, the cycles continue, so…

keep your peepers open!®

after hours

Rarely do I head into town as part of my early AM walk however, I made a little deal with myself this past Saturday. If I wanted to have an iced grande decaf caramel macchiato, I had to walk farther than around the corner to get my treat! And so I did and when I got there, it was like a ghost town. Cars were scarce, very few people were out and about, the streets and sidewalks were practically all mine. Grand stillness illuminated the empty restaurants, their vacant chairs stacked in windows teasing my imagination. What exactly happens after closing time when the tables are wiped down and set for the next day…

…or made to hold chairs piled on top of them… 

…when the kitchen that closed at 11:30PM stands in wait for 11:30AM to get all fired up again…

…when the bar is poised as if last call never happened…

Seeing the restaurants in quiet repose allowed me to appreciate the diversity of interior spaces that occupy the same block appealing to a variety of tastes both for the palette and in décor. To get a new view of the places that feed mouths in frenzied high volume or low toned civility for hours on end Saturday to Saturday sometimes all year long.

And then I just had to wonder if those chairs count down the hours before they have to stop their table dancing and get to work!

keep your peepers open!®

sunlight

Down near the bottom

of the crossed-out list

of things you have to do today,

between “green thread”

and “broccoli” you find

that you have penciled “sunlight.”

- Excerpt from The Word

  Tony Hoagland 1992

Hope you have a day filled with light even if the sun is hiding its rays.

keep your peepers open!®

a few days

Just getting home from my first day back in the office after taking the last days of summer off. I must say that my few days off were well spent with friends, pampering myself just a little, leisurely strolling through an almost empty museum. Going to see the remake of a movie I liked as a teen, visiting new restaurants, delving into informative reading materials, getting back to long walks with my camera, taking my second Pilates class (and not being so sore the next day that I couldn’t move!), and sleeping, I couldn’t have asked for a nicer few days.

A few days, sometimes just the thing one needs to see things differently so...

keep your peepers open!®

turning three

Exactly 3 years ago today, I launched this blog. So much has happened since the first afternoon when I sat down to create a place for me to share all sorts of things with people I know and a multitude more that I may never meet. Birthdays are a time for reflection and a couple of days ago, I sent the following to the women I know and now I’m including females (and males) everywhere:

Ladies - It is that time when the body, top to bottom is changing and right before me, all of us, in the mirror is the evidence. Attached is a photograph. I got a little emotional when I saw the lines on each petal as I was editing, they were so strikingly soft and delicate reminding me that I just need to STOP worrying about yes that little line above my lip :)

I wrote a little something to go with the picture and am sending to the women I know regardless of age to say -- no matter what birthday is next, how long you've been experiencing your own private summers, or the number of lines, wrinkles, and spots; the protrusion of the belly, degree of stiffness after sitting too long, and all the many other changes that come as we grow better with time, we remain marvelous, miraculous, luscious and just gorgeous. So take that mirror, mirror!!!

                           

afternoon musings©

hey there mirror, mirror
is that a little wrinkle just above my lip?
creeping from left tooooo...
or maybe right tooooo, ummmm...
okay, whatever across my forehead?
and then came rose
orange red like the shade that suits me best
like I like my lipstick.
lined with fuchsia
it's not quite my style but
it sure does look good on her!
shocking her garden companions
her confidence radiates sheer loveliness,
GO BOLD OR DON’T UNFOLD she shouts
and so she does until…
are those little wrinkles on each petal?

soft unapologetic delicate lines
she stands in wait
no apprehensions.
gorgeous.

I accept…graciously.

As we all grow and age into hopefully our best selves, be aware of all that is happening, take note of all that surrounds you and…

keep your peepers open!®