acquiring desires

Back on September 18, 2011, I spoke of a pair of cowgirl boots that I was determined to lasso though they were no longer available. Never one to give in so easily, I periodically checked online to see if indeed, there was a pair for me and indeed, there was after a few months had passed. I felt victorious until the person taking my order said they were on back order; it would be three more months before I could get my tootsies into those too cute boots.

Finally they day of delivery came and what do you know, the boots were much too snug on my feet. I was beyond disappointed as I packed them up to return to sender. So much for “if you’re slow you blow”, something I said in that September blog. In this case, “quit while you’re ahead”, “some things are not meant to be”, and “good things don’t always come to those who wait” are the lines that cross my mind. Though I should just acquiesce to something else I said in that blog and that would be…less is already enough! Now that’s the mantra I will etch on the part of my brain that controls the desire to acquire. Until Sunday…

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solid gold

This weekend has found me pretty much confined to my boudoir and not because I want to be here! Thankfully, films both old and new have kept me company. My favorite movie channel continues to count down to Oscar Sunday, which happens to be today, and I am elated to know that I won’t have to use the remote for hours on end because so many of the classics I love are being shown back-to-back. Today I will devour a Lana Turner drama, feel spirited by the storyline that steps me through a Gene Kelly musical and once again be impressed by a remake that is actually just as great as the original (and they are showing both!!!).

It’s going to be a golden day for more than the winners of that little statue…I wonder if anyone delivers popcorn? Enjoy the Academy Awards if you are a fan and…

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reunited

There is so much truth in the statements as long as you are looking for something lost it may not be found, that you will find whatever it is when you least expect it, and be still and listen. Last week I discovered that one earring from a favorite pair was not in the red silk box where it is always kept. I removed all of the jewelry from this container; the earring was not there. I kept looking in the same box as if it was going to suddenly miraculously appear because I just would not believe it wasn’t in there since it always is there. Truth is I had been a bit careless with the space where I keep my jewels and knew that it had probably fallen into another box in the abyss beneath it; it was not there either so I abandoned search, kicked myself for not taking better care of something I treasured, put on another pair of earrings, and figured I'd find it later.

When later came, I found another pouch that I noticed was missing weeks earlier, sorted through lots of other things that either went into the trash or to the clothing bin, and stepped away after 4 hours feeling like I had accomplished something since I ended up cleaning and straightening a space that was way past due some attention. But my earring did not turn up leaving me quite sad as this particular pair is a go-to pair as well as my travel adornment (they went to Egypt and Italy). I lamented the loss, declared that it was misplaced not lost and went on with my day knowing that it would be reunited with its mate and me sometime soon and that there was a gem in this incident that was beyond the missing silver jewel.

A small voice whispered to me in the quiet of the night about a few things before suggesting I look once again in the box in the abyss….

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every woman

This year, Black History Month is focusing on women. Funny…this morning I have stopped and started a few ideas for the blog all having to do with creative females but can’t seem to focus. Rather than sit here and make myself nuts, let me share a couple of quick thoughts that are roaming around my head based on recent happenings…

Every generation brings forth the next level of creative expression…The recent performances of female vocalists on live broadcasts like the Grammy’s and Super Bowl has generated lively conversations in both my personal and professional circles of women about who came first when it comes to costumed performers. I have to enlighten some of the younger ladies; Lady Gaga, Madonna and Nicki Minaj have only put their spin on shock value onstage outfits, they are far from originating the concept. Don’t believe me? Then take a moment to search for and be prepared to give homage to Grace Jones and Josephine Baker!

The recent deaths of two women with very distinctive voices one a blonde bombshell, the other a pop diva…Etta James rocks my house on any given day with that gutsy, soulful, sometimes raunchy voice that moves easily between so many music genres. I have several of her CD’s, truly love one where she pays tribute to Billie Holiday (and oh, how I adore her!). While I don’t own anything by Whitney Houston, her contribution to the world-wide songbook is undeniable. I do have a few favorites by her and certainly can sing along with so many Whitney songs when they come on the radio or over a speaker as I move about public spaces. Since female vocalists more often than not serve as the background when I sit down to create feminine collage images, I am most appreciative for the catalog of music these women generated for us to enjoy forever.

So as the month progresses, I will continue to reflect on the contributions of every woman both famous and not, Black or any other color, keeping in mind that I have bits and pieces of many women in me. Come to think of it, we all do so consider that and as you do…

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think time

How many times have you wished for another chance to say or do something?

As much as we would sometimes like to, there’s no such thing as turning back the clock for a do-over. So why not give all that we do our best the first time around even if we have to stop and let time pass before we begin. Just think…if we get it right or very close to right more often than not, we could live in the present and just keep moving forward without the drama of what is past. Naïve? I think not so think about it and…

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sense less

I’m a tactile not a texter. I claim to be a woman who actively engages with all of her senses but must admit that I have found myself way too participatory in sense less communication. Unless one counts the feel of the phone beneath steadily typing fingers or a distorted face on the screen, none of the five senses is really in play when a text is being sent. Don’t get me wrong, all forms of electronic communication are quite useful particularly when there is a need to reach someone quickly, business is being conducted or we are in a meeting and just want to tell another we are thinking of them (love giving and receiving actually). What I object to, have given over to is the use of texting as the primary method of communication between friends, family, loves; the sense of intimacy decreases as the chance for misunderstanding increases.

And while I’m at it, I want to touch on the sense-less-ness of multitasking as it relates to electronic communication. I’ve become so accustomed to consuming breakfast at my desk while looking at Outlook and listening to voices dictate voice mail messages to me via speaker phone that I barely taste what I’m putting into my mouth. It is my belief that eating this way has done little to nourish me rather it’s just a form of mindless caloric intake that leaves me less than satiated in more ways than one. I won’t even start on the fact that cell phones seem to be de rigueur when it comes to table settings. They’ve taken a spot just to the

right of the knife, out, on and answered when people should be engaged with all five senses plus a sixth, intimacy (which does not necessarily mean romantic or sexual) as they relate to people, food, ambiance, etcetera. So, what to do…

Texting definitely has its place but the ability to hear, smell, taste and physically touch loved ones does not exist and four out of five in this case does not make for good odds. It takes less time to tap to dial and offer the melodic sounds of our voice to those close to us than it does to compose a message and hit send. We need to take a break from all this immediacy to sip our tea, engage with the aromatic, visual and tactile pleasures that come with eating and other things for that matter, and get back in touch with our senses, ourselves, and one another before the day comes when that text is read and deleted with no response sent…ouch!

Well, at least you’ll feel something but try not to let it get to that point and as you make the effort there’s always one sense that will be in play if you…

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be still

For the past two days, I have found myself in the car more than normal as I tended to several things for my office and find the amount of traffic that moves in and around the District during rush hours and at lunchtime astonishing. All I can say is………….sorry for the yawn. I came in last night in desperate need for quiet time, a desire that feels like a few more hours are necessary before the workday begins again. Thankfully, I’ll be in the building not the car and now, while it’s still dark outside, I’m going to close my eyes as I focus on an image that evokes a hushed stillness….

shhhhh…until Sunday…

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soothing cells

I am more than thankful for my many creative outlets. They allow me to get lost for hours when I just can’t make sense of something, escape from the moment at hand so I can come to terms with whatever I need to manage. This past week I slowly prepared soup that as I chopped, measured and stirred in salty tears absorbed what I could no longer speak; let my hands be moved by a spirit guide as manipulated pictures of cells turned into a flowing triptych on the computer screen in front of me.

Both completed, I came back to find that I was soothed.

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forever cherished

I am grieving the loss of my first great love. Our relationship didn’t last but when love runs deep, when you share everything with another including the things that bring you both to tears, things that you never before or after shared with another, there is a place in your heart where that person resides for eternity even if you never speak to or see each other again.

Just finding out that this person took their life several months ago brought all that was us back then rushing to the present -- my time with the life of my party, the man with a smile that lit up a room and my heart every time I made my entrance, a charmer who went to great lengths to care for not only me but everyone who came with me, a giver who had genuine compassion and concern for those who needed a hand, and though far from perfect he was the first person who showed me what it feels like when a man really loves a woman -- making it hard for me to accept that he wanted to leave life, he just lived it with such gusto. But it's been 12 years...so much can happen.



I know now the true meaning of the word heartache...

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