I’m not sure when I’ve been so happy that the weekend was here. It was just one thing on top of the other as each day came and went before Friday arrived; coupled with buried thoughts about past occurrences, there were moments where I found myself asking, REALLY? The good thing is I was able to identify, name, and face those feelings I had tucked away. In hindsight, I realized that I barely had time to deal with some of them when they came up, replacing them with others that seemed to be more appropriate for coping. So when the week began to wind down, I was beyond thrilled as I tallied up some numbers that thrust me into elation! That was until I woke straight up out of my sleep the next morning knowing for certain that the final figure was incorrect. I panicked, sent out text messages to let folks know of the error, beat myself up, cried. I felt sick. All of those buried thoughts that I had just tied up neatly resurfaced across my sweating brow. I wanted to crawl under my bed as I climbed out to begin getting ready to go into my office feeling like a dunce.
As I stepped under the cascading water I asked myself why the miscalculation now; clarity came almost immediately. A misplaced decimal while adding had given me a pat on the back, a feeling that yes, I've done great work over the years. I’d been struggling with changes in the office, vacillating between fear and survival modes with an "I need to prove myself" mindset. Seeing a huge number was just what I needed to settle me; it gave me permission to stop running fast to win a race I've won many times over in the past 14 years. Indeed there was nothing to prove. My accomplishments speak loudly...even when the decimal shifted one place to the left. All would be well.
keep your peepers open!®
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