angel base

I am an early riser. To wake at six something AM is late for me. This morning, I woke to birds chirping, their music brought such enormous pleasure, made me think of spring though I am certain I heard the meteorologist predict another snowfall. I knew it was late because dawn had etched itself around the parameters of my window shades. I recall sending a text to a couple of friends last week to inquire if there was an emoticon that means screaming at the top of my lungs because I felt like I was being bullied on the playground. It was a weird seven days that I liken to skiing. You start at a high point hoping for a smooth run but there are obstacles in the distance, some you see and avoid others that seem to pop up out of nowhere and must be dealt with. You continue to navigate the slope to the best of your ability regardless of or taking into consideration what has previously occurred; the end is always at the bottom of a hill. You’re either standing or maybe you fell earlier and just slid all the way down. So perhaps that is my reason for not rising before the sun…I am on the ground exhausted!

I don’t understand how we profess the desire to have our hearts desire yet fill every minute so the path is no longer accessible for those things or people to come in or for us to get out. Are we more afraid that we aren’t going to get what we desire or that we are? At every turn, we are our own worst saboteurs and need to get out of our own way. How is it that things, events, words, inconsequential beings from our past seem to jump up and knock us off course just when we are hitting our stride? I have forgiven, wishing to ski free and clear of it and them. Somehow all of that past won't detach, annoyingly nipping at our heels. Then there is all this other stuff that is completely out of our control because we each have the right to make our own decisions about our health, our lives. People come to a fork that leads to the bunny slope or the master trail. The choice they make will be what is right for them no matter how detrimental it may seem to me. Way too much swirling around, no wonder I slept longer than normal!

My week did indeed start at the top of a mountain, perfect serene exhilaration. I so wanted to stay right there, put on my sunglasses, enjoy the view. Now at the base, I'm looking up and thinking, why not make some snow angels while I'm down here so...

keep your peepers open! ®